Dear My Ex Best Friend,
Before I start I want you to know I wish you all the best, for now, for the future, for your family. I was always there for you throughout everything, even if you didn’t know it, or maybe you just didn’t care. I’ll never know. A few years ago, I might have said that I can look back and have some fond memories, but they’re mostly gone now.
I can’t imagine I’ll ever ‘get over’ what you put me through. My heart still goes out to the girl I was, just wanting to fit in, and be accepted by those around her for you to then storm in and ruin it.
You could never let me go. Never let me make new friends that weren’t you, or your circle. Looking back now I couldn’t pinpoint how it was and what you did, but whatever it was it worked. I was stuck thinking that was how friendship worked. We’d been friends since we were five, so how was I supposed to know any different?
Even now I couldn’t say how much was planned and how much was me being unlucky. But whatever it was you were cruel, manipulative and my worst bully. There was no way out. Every time I tried there you were with another sob story, another sleepless night of tears, another accusation. But you know what, I stopped caring. Each time you cried at something I’d said or done push me away; so maybe, even back then I knew it was wrong.
What could I do? All the teachers said it was friendly banter, teenage girls growing up, hitting puberty. No support came from there. No support came from friends because, guess what, they were your friends too. All they ever saw was the sweet, innocent little girl act you put on for everyone else.
I couldn’t wait to get away at 16, but even now. Nearly 10 years later you’re still here. Affecting my life. I find it so hard to trust anyone because I’m afraid they’ll do to me what you did. Logically I know they won’t. I’d be highly unlucky to come across someone like you again, let alone let myself into another ‘friendship’ like that. But that’s the problem with anxiety isn’t it? It’s totally illogical. Unfortunately, you can’t claim to be the entire cause of my anxiety, but I’d definitely say you played a large role in its development.
So, this is my goodbye, obviously if you ever crossed my path again I’d be polite however if I never see you again that will be too soon, I’m not longer the girl you knew and you aren’t a person I ever need back in my life.
Other letters in the series!